How to Talk to Your Partner or Employer About Assessment

The internal decision to seek an assessment is huge; the next step of telling others can feel even bigger. Many people fear being dismissed or misunderstood when sharing their concerns about ADHD. However, communicating effectively can transform this process from a source of anxiety into an opportunity for greater support and clarity.

This guide provides clinically informed strategies and professional language to help you navigate these crucial conversations.

Talking to Your Partner: Seeking Collaboration, Not Permission

A partner often witnesses your struggles most closely. Approach this conversation by framing the assessment as a positive, proactive step for both of you.

• Focus on the ‘Why’: Start by explaining what you've learned about your symptoms and how seeking professional help is a positive step.

  • Recommended Script: "I've started reading up on how ADHD presents in adults, and many of my lifelong struggles, like [mention a specific behaviour, e.g., 'the difficulty keeping track of details'], make sense under this lens. This isn't about assigning blame; it's about finding a name for the pattern so we can find tools to manage it together."

• Explain the Mutual Benefit: Highlight how a diagnosis will improve the relationship, not just your personal life.

  • Recommended Script: "If I gain clarity, I can develop more effective strategies for [e.g., managing time, processing emotions] so that we can communicate more effectively and reduce stress in our routine. This assessment is an investment in our shared future."

• Clarify Your Needs: Be specific about the kind of support you require right now; whether it's emotional encouragement, help with scheduling the assessment, or simply a non-judgemental listening ear.

Talking to Your Employer: Focus on Solutions and Rights

Discussing neurological differences with an employer requires a professional approach, focusing strictly on performance and necessary support.

The Informal Conversation (Pre-Diagnosis)

If you choose to share that you are seeking clarity, frame the conversation around optimising your current performance, not seeking sympathy.

• Focus on Process Improvements: Explain you are working with a specialist to determine your most effective working style.

  • Recommended Script (If asking for a minor change): "I am currently focused on optimising my workflow. I've found that having all meeting notes emailed to me straight away drastically improves my follow-through on tasks. Could we make that standard practice for our team?"

The Formal Conversation (Post-Diagnosis)

Once a formal diagnosis is received, the focus shifts to seeking Reasonable Adjustments.

• Understand Your Rights: The Equality Act 2010 in the UK protects individuals from discrimination and often mandates reasonable adjustments be made.

• Be Prepared and Specific: Always present concrete, practical solutions recommended by your clinician. Do not ask them to guess what you need.

  • Instead of: "I need a more flexible schedule."

  • Say: "The assessment report recommends a reasonable adjustment of [e.g., using noise-cancelling headphones or a weekly prioritisation check-in] to allow me to manage my workload effectively and meet all deadlines."

• Maintain Professionalism: Use objective language, emphasise your commitment to your role, and show how the adjustment will enable you to be a reliable and productive employee.

Your Path to Empowerment

The clarity gained from an assessment is a powerful resource that enables strategic action. By approaching these vital conversations with professionalism and a focus on collaboration, you move beyond fear and uncertainty. This is a proactive step toward a more supportive, understanding future where your needs are communicated clearly and confidently.

Disclaimer

This article is for educational purposes only and not a substitute for professional clinical advice. If you recognise these patterns in yourself or someone you care about, consider speaking with a qualified clinician.